Pain and Suffering

A few days ago I watched this:



It is an excellent breakdown of the fallacy of monotheism and religious intolerance. Obviously, I don't agree with this point of view, so let me address some of the points that Dr. Sam Harris has made within the context of my spirituality.

The pain and suffering of innocent or good people is caused by other people or themselves. The realm we live in was created as a safe haven for our souls to inhabit by the gods. It was created to provide our souls a place to grow and learn. My gods are mysterious and I have no idea how they think. However, they have no covenant with me to provide salvation or succor. I am here on my own and I can only rely on those other people who will help me. And that's the point of being here: To help each other through the experiences of life to become better people. If my gods interceded every time I fell down, I'd never learn anything.

Your culture or beliefs don't threaten me. We're all stuck here and we need to make the best of it. Telling one group of people that they are going to suffer in the afterlife creates an irreparable divide between us during life. Think about that. What kind of working relationship is designed by intolerance for the higher being you worship? I certainly have a hard time working with people who are outspokenly intolerant of my beliefs.

Lets go back a step. Your culture or beliefs don't threaten me. The kind of person who issues statements like, "You're going to hell for your beliefs!" is a person full of fear. They are so intimidated and fearful of different beliefs than their own that they are convinced their god will destroy those people in the after life. What kind of god would do that? Not one of the gods I worship would destroy or even damn a human soul -- no matter what their beliefs.

Staring at the Sun

Sol Invictus was yesterday. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. Our Solstice celebration was fun. It's a tradition that we try to stay awake through the night of the Solstice performing a vigil for the sun's journey through the long night. While we didn't have the opportunity to do it this year, we make candles to burn through the night as a part of our ritual.

I'm often conflicted about my feelings toward ritual and spirituality. Even more so now that I'm sharing this with the wider community. I believe that rituals are a significant part of our interaction with the gods. Through ritual we can create a common ground for our worship of the gods and ancestors. Rituals build community. But, rituals can become dogmatic. Dogma is to be avoided. Dogma is what I fear from sharing my view points. I may sound egomaniacle, but I have a calling to share my belief with the world. Writing is the best way to spread a message as far as possible; however, the intentions of the writer can be twisted and misinterpreted by the dogmatic. As much as I would like to describe our solstice rituals, and all of our other rituals, I shrink back from doing so in more than general terms because spirituality isn't about the exact shape of the ritual so much as nurturing the community of faith within which you live.

You Only Live Once?

Lets talk about YOLO for a moment. In the immortal words of "South Park's" Chef, "There's a time and a place for everything . . . its called college." I'm all for experimentation and exploration. Life should be lived to it's fullest. There are so many enjoyable, exhilarating and exciting things to do that it can be overwhelming. It is so very tempting to do all the drugs and have sex with all the people and do what you will as you please.

This is where I have a Cleansing of the Temple moment. Personal freedom and free will are the most glorious gifts that we have and they SHALL NOT BE USED TO HINDER OR HARM ANY BEING OR CREATURE! 

DO NO HARM

We are incarnated to this realm with free will  Nothing can take it away, but it can be harmed. This is the greatest violation to another being we can commit during our existence on Earth. Any being that causes another being to do something they don't want to do has violated this precept. There is much more to this discourse (such as the necessity of killing to survive), but I've digressed.

Let us say that you do only live once, which is to say that for the moment I will assume that we are born here, live, then die, and there is nothing else to existence. In that case, do we not have a duty and obligation to make each other's lives as pleasant and peaceful as possible?!

On the other hand, let us assume that, as I believe, we are spiritual beings who briefly incarnate in this realm time and again. How is our previously mentioned obligation lessened? Indeed, it is increased for we have no reprieve in death. Death brings review. Will invoking YOLO balance your deeds against the feather of Maat?! Only if YOLO means you did all that you can to bring peace and comfort to those you lived with because you live this one existence for all eternity.

In a round about way I discuss the soul

I think constantly. Random things. Nonsense meanderings. Weird contemplation. And sometimes I come to a realization. Something has to change about me. I want to change how I think. I vocalize that desire. I really want to implement the new thought process. Then nothing changes. I get frustrated. My family gets frustrated. I get sad and start thinking again. Rinse. Repeat.

Why do we find change so difficult at some times and more manageable at other times? At this point I had hoped to have some profound point to make, but I don't. Change is hard to accomplish. And different kinds of change are harder for different people. I get really irritated when people say, "If you don't like something then just change." It really isn't that easy. Everyone has a few areas they are good at "just changing." But, humans are designed to use their energy efficiently. If a change is going to take a lot of extra work to accomplish then we will typically opt against it. And this isn't necessarily bad. If change were something we did all of the time then nothing would get finished and we would never have any energy (or rather we would be eating constantly).

Of course, change for the sake of change is hubris. And we can be pretty good at that. However, hubris isn't related to someone's ability to change well; it is a symptom of power struggles. Everyone wants to have some power. We all feel a need to exert control on reality. These changes we find easy and desirable because they mold reality to our vision for it. Why, then, is it so difficult to change something about ourselves that we don't find desirable?!

It isn't. It isn't that difficult to change. It is very difficult to want to change. When you put your mind to it, change is very possible. With practice, diligence and patience anyone can learn new things or new behaviors. But, the desire to change is sometimes hard to find. We get comfortable with the way things are. We assume that our behaviors are acceptable because no one challenges them. We are self destructive because in the short term it is enjoyable and the consequences seem distant. When we realize that something has to change it is often because we were finally faced with a consequence to our actions.

At the moment of truth we find our resolve to change, or witness our inability to cope with reality. This is the struggle that is governed by aspects of our soul. The ab seeks selfless acts and kindness, cooperation and hope. The sheut seeks immediate gratification without consideration of others', self-preservation, and opportunism. Both aspects are valuable, but they must be balanced. Your conscious soul, the ba, is the fulcrum between the ab and sheut. You decide how to be influenced.

No one else is to be blamed for the internal pressures of your soul. We must live with the choices we make. It is our duty to ensure balance within our soul. It isn't evil to give into your sheut, and it isn't noble to live by your ab. Each must be given time within the soul.

My life as a spiritual being

I would just like to open this post by saying that Civilization V is the devil. It is the enemy of all productivity. Now, back to our irregularly scheduled post.

I have mentioned before that at the heart of these posts is a belief that there is a spiritual dimension to existence and that we are spiritual beings. But I have come to the conclusion that whether that is true or not has very little bearing on how I live my life.

That is not to say spirituality isn't important to me. If that were the case, I wouldn't be contributing to this blog. I would say my spirituality is one of the most important things in my life.

This is a challenging post. Can you tell? So many parts of the whole, and they all fit together so nicely in my head. Then I take it into my head to write about it, and it comes out in sputtering fragments. All right, let's see if I can put all this together for you.

Perhaps some chronology will help. Some of you may recall that for a long time I was an atheist/agnostic (I'm aware of the distinction between the two, but my particular state of mind at the time was prone to variation). In that time I had given myself all the usual arguments against spirituality - lack of evidence, lack of relevance, you name it. Yet despite the fact that I had convinced myself to follow that path, I found myself seeking out people with a spiritual perspective. With the exception of the people closest to me, I tried to be very gentle and respectful, but I was very interested in what "made them tick."

I eventually realized that I was looking for something to bring me over to their point of view. I was looking for something in their spiritual perspectives that was so compelling I would have to accept it. I was looking for it so persistently because something in me knew that spirituality was part of who I am. That was the compelling realization I needed. I just needed to realize that I was a spiritual being, and then I could give myself permission to accept myself as one.

I won't pretend that that realization didn't carry some upheaval with it. But when the dust had cleared I noticed that not much about me had changed. I still lived my life according to the same ethical standards I had tried to live by previously. I still held largely the same world view. It had gained a new dimension for me. I was more whole, and I could interact with my world with more grace - for the most part.

I believe I am writing this so you can all have a clear idea of my intentions. I do not claim to have any particularly astounding insight. I simply want to share a perspective that I have found especially healing and liberating. I hope your journey has contained such experiences as well.

Next post: Monday, September 24

Why I'm polytheistic

With so much of the world's population following monotheistic religions, it might seem strange to some that I would choose to be polytheistic. Today I'm going to explain why I did. Why do you care? Frankly, maybe you don't. But as I've said before, I can't speak for all people and all times. All I can do is share my own personal perspectives. Maybe they will resonate with you; maybe they won't. So today I'm going to share my personal journey toward polytheism. Enjoy (or not - it's up to you!)

This could be a really long story, but I'm going to shorten it considerably by condensing the first part of it. I was raised as a monotheist, I became an atheist/agnostic, then discovered that try as I might to reason it away, there was a spiritual facet to my identity that I just couldn't ignore anymore. So I accepted myself as a spiritual being. There, long story made short.

Once I had accepted myself as a spiritual being, I was left with the question of what exactly I was going to do with that. Now, this is going to be one of many posts in which you get to see the scientific and mystical parts of me intersect. I was guided by the concept of entropy.

Entropy is a concept that encompasses many things, and trying to define it is a great way to fire up a debate with anyone with any exposure to physics. But I'll just briefly and simply explain entropy as a "lack of directedness." For example, in a collection of gas molecules you'll have about as many molecules going one direction as there are going the opposite direction. That system has a lot of entropy. It is a property of the universe that entropy increases, which means that every system gradually loses its ability to make a directed change to the universe. And as far as I know there's no way around it; entropy has a very interesting relationship with probability. If you sit down and do some fun mathematical exercises, you will reach the conclusion that entropy is maximized when the most probable event occurs.

Now let's look at this from a spiritual perspective. We all exist in a system that is gradually running out of "steam". From a monotheistic perspective I would have to look at God at this point as say, "What the fuck? You made all this; was the expiration date really necessary?"

From a polytheistic perspective, there's no other way the universe could work. If there are multiple gods or spirits that created this existence, no one of them could exert her will perfectly on it. With every event that occurs, each one leaves his mark but also yields to others who leave their marks. That yielding of complete autonomy becomes the price of admission for participating in this great endeavor that is the universe. Entropy increases.

PS: A lot of bloggers make a point of posting once a week on the same day. I understand why they do that; people are more likely to read your blog if they know when to expect the next post. Checking a blog takes time and attention, so why check it if you don't know whether there's anything to see? The problem with that is I really don't like doing the same thing on the same day of the week. It drives me nuts. So I'm going to compromise, and every time I post something I'm going to decide when the next post will come out and let you guys know when that is. You guys get some reliability, and I get to mix things up a little. So here you go - I will post again on Friday, September 7th.

This has the added benefit of motivating me to write. I've made a commitment now, so I'm much more likely to follow through!

PPS: I can't do the same for Noel; I do not control when he posts here.

The game of "let's see what happens next"

When I was much younger, I frequently entertained suicidal thoughts. This might be an over-generalization, but I have a suspicion that anyone who has never contemplated suicide has never fully acknowledged that they have choices in their life. Feel free to correct me on that if you disagree. So there I was, a young person who had confronted the fact that I didn't have to keep living. I was also confronting the fact that in many ways, life sucks. How I got through those moments might seem rather counterintuitive at first glance: I reminded myself that the option to kill myself would always be there for me, whenever I felt I needed to take it.

That realization was surprisingly liberating. While the option to die would always be there, the option to live this life would not. Once it was gone, it was gone. Even if you believe in an afterlife or reincarnation, this life we're living right now is only here for a moment. So I started thinking - why not hang around and see what happens next? If life gets really really bad, I don't have to keep going. If it gets better, won't I be glad I stuck it out? Well, it got better, and here I am, living a pretty decent life if I do say so myself.

I'm using that technique again now. No, I'm not feeling suicidal again, but thank you for the concern. What I have been doing is getting started in the lab where I'm going to be working on my Ph.D. after a a semester and a half of "research lab speed dating," i.e. research rotations. It's a great big period of adjustment and a lot of hard work. Sometimes I get discouraged and start questioning whether I'm cut out for grad school. I was getting really stressed out about it, when I realized I could use the same strategy. I realized that if I'm truly not cut out for grad school, the option to quit will always be there. The option to take advantage of this opportunity, not so much. So it has become my plan to treat every day in grad school as a little experiment in itself: let's just go to the lab and see what happens.

It was just as liberating this time around, too. I encourage you all to try it.

Faith

I'm going to try this again. I went off on bit of a tangent yesterday. Today, I'd like to focus on how I perceive faith.

Faith seems to make some people uncomfortable. Most of the time this is illogical. Take for instance (the entirely fictional) atheist who is certain that aliens exist. There is no evidence of alien sentience. None at all. Believing in something with no proof; that's called faith.

Take now, an agnostic who overflows with self-determination and lives in a state of self-actualization. I cannot measure how self-actualized someone is. Determination and confidence are subjective as well. The only measure is said individual's belief in those concepts. I call that faith, too.

It is my impression that the Abrahamic traditions have convinced the cultures that they influenced that someone can't have faith unless it is in The God of Monotheism. This is unfair. I am a well spring of faith. And I am very polytheistic.

Faith has become a dirty word in the cultures of science and high technology. I want to see more people describing how they feel with the word. Faith and intuition are two of the most useful gifts that humans have, but we are spending decade after decade trying to make them taboo.

The "F" word

It's time to talk about the "F" word. I enjoy the "F" word. It's so expressive and evocative. People get so many different ideas about what you mean when you use it. And it seems to have different connotations depending upon your cultural background.

Right, I'm talking about faith. That mysterious little word; it seems to make some people cringe while others rejoice. In my experience, and I admit that I don't talk to a lot of other pagans, I don't hear the word faith in conjunction with paganism nearly as much as I do when talking about the other religions. In fact, "faith" is another word for "religion" in some contexts, but rarely is it used in that context to describe paganism.

Why? Probably because so many pagans are fed up with the institutionalized religions that they don't want to be lumped in with them through that context. This is probably a subconscious choice, since the conscious choice is to simply eschew religion.

I think that's a mistake. I'm a pagan and I have as much faith as anyone in an Abrahamic religion. The problem is something I mentioned before. Pagans have worked so hard to distance themselves from institutionalized religion that they've marginalized themselves. I know that with neopagans representing only 0.02% of the world population, it's pretty easy for the rest of the world to marginalize us as well. However, that less than insignificant percentage will never increase unless we stop shooting ourselves in the foot.

Alright, so there's the problem. How do we fix it? Pagans are such a fractured, intractable, bunch that I'm not sure how well this could ever be resolved. Groups like Unitarian Universalism are close to the answer, but with roots in the Abrahamic religions it doesn't suit all pagans.

Personally, I think pagans should take a page from the Hindu playbook. We need an evocative label that encompasses our faith, and isn't based on a derogatory term. We need a label that we can rally under, but doesn't limit our individual expression of faith.

I had originally intended to write about the way I experience faith. It seems as though this desire to label my faith prevailed. I'm sure this bears greater examination. I'll have to think some on it and I'll post my thoughts later.