I think constantly. Random things. Nonsense meanderings. Weird contemplation. And sometimes I come to a realization. Something has to change about me. I want to change how I think. I vocalize that desire. I really want to implement the new thought process. Then nothing changes. I get frustrated. My family gets frustrated. I get sad and start thinking again. Rinse. Repeat.
Why do we find change so difficult at some times and more manageable at other times? At this point I had hoped to have some profound point to make, but I don't. Change is hard to accomplish. And different kinds of change are harder for different people. I get really irritated when people say, "If you don't like something then just change." It really isn't that easy. Everyone has a few areas they are good at "just changing." But, humans are designed to use their energy efficiently. If a change is going to take a lot of extra work to accomplish then we will typically opt against it. And this isn't necessarily bad. If change were something we did all of the time then nothing would get finished and we would never have any energy (or rather we would be eating constantly).
Of course, change for the sake of change is hubris. And we can be pretty good at that. However, hubris isn't related to someone's ability to change well; it is a symptom of power struggles. Everyone wants to have some power. We all feel a need to exert control on reality. These changes we find easy and desirable because they mold reality to our vision for it. Why, then, is it so difficult to change something about ourselves that we don't find desirable?!
It isn't. It isn't that difficult to change. It is very difficult to want to change. When you put your mind to it, change is very possible. With practice, diligence and patience anyone can learn new things or new behaviors. But, the desire to change is sometimes hard to find. We get comfortable with the way things are. We assume that our behaviors are acceptable because no one challenges them. We are self destructive because in the short term it is enjoyable and the consequences seem distant. When we realize that something has to change it is often because we were finally faced with a consequence to our actions.
At the moment of truth we find our resolve to change, or witness our inability to cope with reality. This is the struggle that is governed by aspects of our soul. The ab seeks selfless acts and kindness, cooperation and hope. The sheut seeks immediate gratification without consideration of others', self-preservation, and opportunism. Both aspects are valuable, but they must be balanced. Your conscious soul, the ba, is the fulcrum between the ab and sheut. You decide how to be influenced.
No one else is to be blamed for the internal pressures of your soul. We must live with the choices we make. It is our duty to ensure balance within our soul. It isn't evil to give into your sheut, and it isn't noble to live by your ab. Each must be given time within the soul.
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