Staring at the Sun

Sol Invictus was yesterday. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. Our Solstice celebration was fun. It's a tradition that we try to stay awake through the night of the Solstice performing a vigil for the sun's journey through the long night. While we didn't have the opportunity to do it this year, we make candles to burn through the night as a part of our ritual.

I'm often conflicted about my feelings toward ritual and spirituality. Even more so now that I'm sharing this with the wider community. I believe that rituals are a significant part of our interaction with the gods. Through ritual we can create a common ground for our worship of the gods and ancestors. Rituals build community. But, rituals can become dogmatic. Dogma is to be avoided. Dogma is what I fear from sharing my view points. I may sound egomaniacle, but I have a calling to share my belief with the world. Writing is the best way to spread a message as far as possible; however, the intentions of the writer can be twisted and misinterpreted by the dogmatic. As much as I would like to describe our solstice rituals, and all of our other rituals, I shrink back from doing so in more than general terms because spirituality isn't about the exact shape of the ritual so much as nurturing the community of faith within which you live.

Beginnings and progress

I tend to think of the winter solstice as my new year. At the time of minimum daylight, it just seems like a great place to set my zero point and start counting from there. So, with that in mind, I think I'm going to share my plans to improve myself in the oncoming year. I'm sure every blogger under the sun is sharing their New Year's resolutions at this time of year, but I'm doing it anyway. So, enjoy.

My plan this year is to try to live more consciously. I'm going to try to avoid doing certain things (like messing around on the internet) just because I don't feel like doing anything else. If I'm going to mess around on the internet, I'm going to make a conscious decision to mess around on the internet, I'm going to do that for a while, and then I'm going to make the conscious decision to stop and do something else. At least that's my plan; we'll see how that goes. If I decide the laundry needs to be done, I'm going to try very hard not to get distracted by other things because I don't really feel like doing the laundry.

Now, I just have to be careful not to let this get out of hand. I do have some very mildly obsessive-compulsive tendencies, so I run the risk of doing something crazy like doing laundry until 3 am because I decided it needed to get done. So I will also try to balance deliberate choices with flexibility.

Do you have any plans to improve yourself or your world this year? I'd love to hear about them!

You Only Live Once?

Lets talk about YOLO for a moment. In the immortal words of "South Park's" Chef, "There's a time and a place for everything . . . its called college." I'm all for experimentation and exploration. Life should be lived to it's fullest. There are so many enjoyable, exhilarating and exciting things to do that it can be overwhelming. It is so very tempting to do all the drugs and have sex with all the people and do what you will as you please.

This is where I have a Cleansing of the Temple moment. Personal freedom and free will are the most glorious gifts that we have and they SHALL NOT BE USED TO HINDER OR HARM ANY BEING OR CREATURE! 

DO NO HARM

We are incarnated to this realm with free will  Nothing can take it away, but it can be harmed. This is the greatest violation to another being we can commit during our existence on Earth. Any being that causes another being to do something they don't want to do has violated this precept. There is much more to this discourse (such as the necessity of killing to survive), but I've digressed.

Let us say that you do only live once, which is to say that for the moment I will assume that we are born here, live, then die, and there is nothing else to existence. In that case, do we not have a duty and obligation to make each other's lives as pleasant and peaceful as possible?!

On the other hand, let us assume that, as I believe, we are spiritual beings who briefly incarnate in this realm time and again. How is our previously mentioned obligation lessened? Indeed, it is increased for we have no reprieve in death. Death brings review. Will invoking YOLO balance your deeds against the feather of Maat?! Only if YOLO means you did all that you can to bring peace and comfort to those you lived with because you live this one existence for all eternity.

Playing with sharp objects

I like the symbolism of blades. Some people I know are disturbed by this, but hear me out. We live in this one whole universe. And as warm and fuzzy as it might make us to contemplate the oneness of the universe, think what it would be like to try to live with that perspective all the time. It would just be the universe - what do you do with that? How do you decide? That's where the blade comes in.

Blades are the opposite of warm and fuzzy. They are cold and sharp. But to successfully navigate this universe, distinctions must be made. They may ultimately be artificial distinctions, but those artificial distinctions can make the difference between life and death. Life and death is one such distinction. They may be two parts of the same thing, but that distinction has significance for us. Understanding requires that you separate the thing to be understood from that which it is not. The line that separates them is thin - razor-thin, to be exact.

This truth has even crept into our language. The Latin word for knowledge, "scientia," is related to the word "scindere," meaning "to cut or divide." This is also where we got the word "science." (Source: Online Etymolgy Dictionary)

Not that dealing with blades is easy. It involves judgment - cutting out the bullshit. And much as people might claim to be anti-bullshit, it can be pretty comforting sometimes. The suit of swords in the Tarot deck is an excellent example of blade symbolism. The suit of swords has no tolerance for bullshit, and the answers it offers are not comforting. It can tell you to be still when it would be more comfortable to move. It can tell you to walk away when it would be more satisfying to fight. It can urge you to face truths you would rather ignore.

So go forth! Enjoy life - but don't get too comfortable.

Next post: Tuesday, October 9th

In a round about way I discuss the soul

I think constantly. Random things. Nonsense meanderings. Weird contemplation. And sometimes I come to a realization. Something has to change about me. I want to change how I think. I vocalize that desire. I really want to implement the new thought process. Then nothing changes. I get frustrated. My family gets frustrated. I get sad and start thinking again. Rinse. Repeat.

Why do we find change so difficult at some times and more manageable at other times? At this point I had hoped to have some profound point to make, but I don't. Change is hard to accomplish. And different kinds of change are harder for different people. I get really irritated when people say, "If you don't like something then just change." It really isn't that easy. Everyone has a few areas they are good at "just changing." But, humans are designed to use their energy efficiently. If a change is going to take a lot of extra work to accomplish then we will typically opt against it. And this isn't necessarily bad. If change were something we did all of the time then nothing would get finished and we would never have any energy (or rather we would be eating constantly).

Of course, change for the sake of change is hubris. And we can be pretty good at that. However, hubris isn't related to someone's ability to change well; it is a symptom of power struggles. Everyone wants to have some power. We all feel a need to exert control on reality. These changes we find easy and desirable because they mold reality to our vision for it. Why, then, is it so difficult to change something about ourselves that we don't find desirable?!

It isn't. It isn't that difficult to change. It is very difficult to want to change. When you put your mind to it, change is very possible. With practice, diligence and patience anyone can learn new things or new behaviors. But, the desire to change is sometimes hard to find. We get comfortable with the way things are. We assume that our behaviors are acceptable because no one challenges them. We are self destructive because in the short term it is enjoyable and the consequences seem distant. When we realize that something has to change it is often because we were finally faced with a consequence to our actions.

At the moment of truth we find our resolve to change, or witness our inability to cope with reality. This is the struggle that is governed by aspects of our soul. The ab seeks selfless acts and kindness, cooperation and hope. The sheut seeks immediate gratification without consideration of others', self-preservation, and opportunism. Both aspects are valuable, but they must be balanced. Your conscious soul, the ba, is the fulcrum between the ab and sheut. You decide how to be influenced.

No one else is to be blamed for the internal pressures of your soul. We must live with the choices we make. It is our duty to ensure balance within our soul. It isn't evil to give into your sheut, and it isn't noble to live by your ab. Each must be given time within the soul.

My life as a spiritual being

I would just like to open this post by saying that Civilization V is the devil. It is the enemy of all productivity. Now, back to our irregularly scheduled post.

I have mentioned before that at the heart of these posts is a belief that there is a spiritual dimension to existence and that we are spiritual beings. But I have come to the conclusion that whether that is true or not has very little bearing on how I live my life.

That is not to say spirituality isn't important to me. If that were the case, I wouldn't be contributing to this blog. I would say my spirituality is one of the most important things in my life.

This is a challenging post. Can you tell? So many parts of the whole, and they all fit together so nicely in my head. Then I take it into my head to write about it, and it comes out in sputtering fragments. All right, let's see if I can put all this together for you.

Perhaps some chronology will help. Some of you may recall that for a long time I was an atheist/agnostic (I'm aware of the distinction between the two, but my particular state of mind at the time was prone to variation). In that time I had given myself all the usual arguments against spirituality - lack of evidence, lack of relevance, you name it. Yet despite the fact that I had convinced myself to follow that path, I found myself seeking out people with a spiritual perspective. With the exception of the people closest to me, I tried to be very gentle and respectful, but I was very interested in what "made them tick."

I eventually realized that I was looking for something to bring me over to their point of view. I was looking for something in their spiritual perspectives that was so compelling I would have to accept it. I was looking for it so persistently because something in me knew that spirituality was part of who I am. That was the compelling realization I needed. I just needed to realize that I was a spiritual being, and then I could give myself permission to accept myself as one.

I won't pretend that that realization didn't carry some upheaval with it. But when the dust had cleared I noticed that not much about me had changed. I still lived my life according to the same ethical standards I had tried to live by previously. I still held largely the same world view. It had gained a new dimension for me. I was more whole, and I could interact with my world with more grace - for the most part.

I believe I am writing this so you can all have a clear idea of my intentions. I do not claim to have any particularly astounding insight. I simply want to share a perspective that I have found especially healing and liberating. I hope your journey has contained such experiences as well.

Next post: Monday, September 24

The "F" word

It's time to talk about the "F" word. I enjoy the "F" word. It's so expressive and evocative. People get so many different ideas about what you mean when you use it. And it seems to have different connotations depending upon your cultural background.

Right, I'm talking about faith. That mysterious little word; it seems to make some people cringe while others rejoice. In my experience, and I admit that I don't talk to a lot of other pagans, I don't hear the word faith in conjunction with paganism nearly as much as I do when talking about the other religions. In fact, "faith" is another word for "religion" in some contexts, but rarely is it used in that context to describe paganism.

Why? Probably because so many pagans are fed up with the institutionalized religions that they don't want to be lumped in with them through that context. This is probably a subconscious choice, since the conscious choice is to simply eschew religion.

I think that's a mistake. I'm a pagan and I have as much faith as anyone in an Abrahamic religion. The problem is something I mentioned before. Pagans have worked so hard to distance themselves from institutionalized religion that they've marginalized themselves. I know that with neopagans representing only 0.02% of the world population, it's pretty easy for the rest of the world to marginalize us as well. However, that less than insignificant percentage will never increase unless we stop shooting ourselves in the foot.

Alright, so there's the problem. How do we fix it? Pagans are such a fractured, intractable, bunch that I'm not sure how well this could ever be resolved. Groups like Unitarian Universalism are close to the answer, but with roots in the Abrahamic religions it doesn't suit all pagans.

Personally, I think pagans should take a page from the Hindu playbook. We need an evocative label that encompasses our faith, and isn't based on a derogatory term. We need a label that we can rally under, but doesn't limit our individual expression of faith.

I had originally intended to write about the way I experience faith. It seems as though this desire to label my faith prevailed. I'm sure this bears greater examination. I'll have to think some on it and I'll post my thoughts later.

They all hurt, the final kills

Time. It is the harbinger of Death. It is omnipresent, unrelenting yet silent. We know it's always there, but sometimes we can forget; for just a while, we can forget its presence.

There's so much that can be said of time. It's such a passive thing. It doesn't do anything. Only recently have we given it a dimension, but unlike the other three that we can touch, it just washes over us. It is a curious thing. And for everything, the more time experienced, the closer to ceasing to exist it is.

Endings are something dear to me. Most of the time they suck. Breaking up with a friend, losing a parent, dropping a glass, wrecking a car, they suck. Often, endings signal the potential for something to change. Sometimes the change is good. Sometimes it's bad. But, always, change is an adventure. A new experience. Something to learn from -- even if that lesson is fear.

I like change. I fear change. As with most of reality, I have a complex relationship with change. And what is the biggest change of all? Death. Death fascinates me to no end. I ponder it quite regularly.

I'm sure you must be imagining me as some kind of morbid uber-goth surrounded by dozens of black candles. Quite the contrary. I'm an ostensibly normal guy. I just like death. It's finality is paradoxical. Everything else in existence has a certain measure of permanence. While a building will crumble or a star will collapse, the component parts of those structures will continue to exist and go on to become something else. When something dies, it goes away. Well, something stops being there. What once could exert its will upon reality is no longer capable.

Perhaps I'm being arrogant or presumptuous. Maybe, what I'm seeing as an immutable consciousness is only the outward result of a complex series of chemical reactions not unlike the way photons are a product of the thermonuclear reactions in a star. When the fuel is depleted, the spark fades.

Obviously, I don't accept that. I experience faith. Intuitively, at least to me, I know that there no finality to death. The consciousness goes on. Death isn't grim; he's just really busy getting everyone to where they need to be next.

This was how I pondered some of my earliest feeling about reality that eventually led me to paganism.